by Philip Gelatt
JFK was murdered by gnomes, his brother by dwarves.
Space isn't real, it's a lie made up by communicians (communist magicians), for what reason has yet to be determined.
The core of the earth is hollow and inhabited by the lost sons of Teddy Roosevelt and nikita krushchev
They are building sub-atomic rockets and preparing to disappear forever into the quanta of reality.
The war in afghanistan is unwinnable unless we simply re-define "winning" to something more like the traditional definition of "losing."
Harry Potter is, in fact, objectively, not very good at all.
Fire is actually sentient.
It is possible to step through a mirror but only if you're in desperate need of a magic sword.
Glass is evil.
Shakespeare never died, he just mutated into a city. A city called Hollywood.
Yogurt was developed by 18th century alchemists working in Benjamin Franklin's basement. They were searching for the elixir of unlimited knowledge.
The bible was written by mean old men without much interesting to say.